grateful

When I started to think about who I was grateful for. Who I was really thankful for, the normal people ran through my head.

There's the sister.
Then there's the mom.
Then there's my awesome friends.
And the list goes on and on.
Seriously, I could probably list the people I'm thankful for and why I'm thankful for them, for a looooonnngg time.

But I knew immediately the person I was most thankful for this year wasn't a single person, but rather a group of women. A community of women. The likes of which I've never seen before. Maybe that's what makes them so special. Because I don't think you can replicate this kind of thing.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm talking about (in)courage. The women that write for it. The women that comment. The love and encouragement I find there. I always. always. come away blessed. Always.

The reason I'm so thankful for them is because some of these posts have literally changed my ENTIRE life. And I'm not saying that for affect. I'm saying that as the truth.

I read Sarah Markley's post (I'm SO sad the entire post isn't up, I think it may have gotten lost in the move to Wordpress :( :( :( ) on January 4th and I was yearning for something different. I had always been that 'good Christian girl' on the outside but struggled and struggled and struggled with having that daily quiet time. With actually being souled out for the cause of Christ. So, I decided that Monday that I was going to do exactly what Sarah did and give God a year. I didn't know what was going to happen, but I basically dared God.

You show up, or bad things are gonna happen.

(Yes, you should be talking to the computer screen saying I am crazy.
Dare? God? That's bad news bears).

I don't want to think it was an ultimatum because deep down in my heart I knew what the problem was.

Me.

Regardless, I dared God and the entire year He's been like,
"Really Rebekah? You thought I wouldn't show up? Look at yourself now."

And so I look, and I'm different.
My heart is different.
My heart is bigger.
My heart is more full of Him and less full of all those lesser things.

Obviously, I know it's because of what God has done. But to me, it's what He has done through these people. Through people that are doing nothing but being the branches. Staying connected to the vine...and bearing fruit. So that God is glorified.

I'm sure they don't realize the impact they've had on me. And they won't. Until Heaven. When they get their crown and there's a jewel because they were faithful to Him. To write. When it hurt. When it cost them pride. When it was the last thing they wanted to do, yet, they did it.

I've learned transparency.
I've learned what it means to step out in faith.
I've learned about obedience.

And God orchestrated it so that when I would read the posts in my reader first thing every morning, He was teaching me whatever it was...other places.
(He's so good like that, and it blows my mind the way He orchestrates things).

This is my comment on that post about stepping out in faith and I think it sums up what (in)courage has taught me.

I’ve learned that confession is good for the soul (God taught me that through you, Sarah). That when you decide to seek Him like you’ve never sought Him before, He. Shows. Up. That it’s okay if you don’t have it all together. That a real relationship with God is not only doable, it’s downright necessary. Mostly, I’ve learned that God can be trusted. Even though I know that sounds silly. It’s taken me a while to learn He always wants the best for us.
My act of bravery is coming up in 10 days as my little sisters leaves for the Philippines to work as a missionary for 3 years. Letting her go is probably the *toughest* thing I’ve ever experienced and as much as I’d like to keep her here so my life would be more comfortable and normal, staying isn’t what God called her to do. Trusting Him through this is taking all that I have but, I’m trusting that His grace is sufficient. And He’s proving me right.


So I'm thankful for
Angie,
Annie,
Bonnie,
Heather,
Lisa-Jo,
Robin,
and Sarah.

Because through their words written in obedience, my life is changed.
And changed lives are what God is all about.

I have some other exciting news that was made possible by (in)courage that I'll share later but basically, I get to go to Deeper Still because of them. And I'm SO FLIPPIN' EXCITED!

Seriously. We'll talk about that later. :)

P.S. I am by no means perfect. Just ask my family.
But I find myself being perfected by the Greatest Perfecter.
And that's enough for me.

crazy, how time flies.

Tomorrow changed everything.

Well...today, if you're not reading this until Friday, September 10th.

Anyway, tomorrow, a year ago, I got a phone call.

A phone call that I had been waiting on for months.

A phone call that led me back to Mississippi.

But not in the way that I thought.

I've come to realize over the past year that God rarely works in the ways we think are best. Something about that sounds biblical.
Isaiah 55:8 anyone?
I know, I know...why have I not realized that until the last year?

Call me hard-headed.

That's only one of the things I've realized over the past year since this crazy adventure got started.

Other things include:
- nieces are so much funnier in person
- sometimes hugging a friend after a long time apart makes it feel as if it hasn't really been that long
- there are jobs where your co-workers care about you and aren't just acquaintances but rather, friends.
- there are jobs where you can actually leave work at work and not stress every night about what needs to get done.
- lots of other things that if included would make this list would go on for a long time because there's just SO MUCH.

I'm so glad that God never stops working on us.

That we're continually being conformed more and more into His image.

That's all I got.

Well, not actually. You should totally watch this video because it's pretty cool!! Except, watch it without the sound because the sound was annoying to me.

I know...how do you write something that wonderful and meaningful then end it with a Pac-Man video?

I don't know.

But wait, it's not over.

Compassion has a group of bloggers in Guatemala this week. Reading the bloggers posts back in the spring is what led me to sponsor a child in Kenya (Lillian. She's cute. And has the same birthday as me. AND she has 2 sisters and a brother. Crazy!! Not crazy...God, but you know, that's the word I use when I'm left without words).

Anyway, I read Ann Voskamp's post this morning at work and if you don't finish reading this post just to go read that...do it. Oh my goodness, usually I don't get her posts because she uses words that to me are too 'flowery' and big (I bet y'all are smarter than me and can 'get it' :) ) and my little mind doesn't get analogy well...but man alive, that post. If you haven't read it yet...seriously...go read it. I just linked to the same post 4 times because I want you to read it!

And, you'll probably need a tissue.

Also, Shaun Grove's post was awesome as well. I totally get the Long Distance/Slow Violence thing. So so sad.

Can you help? Can your family sponsor a child? More than one? It's so rewarding. I've received two letters from Lillian and they just make my heart happy.

SO...this is actually the end of the post. Y'all please consider sponsoring a Compassion child. Whether in Guatemala or Asia, Africa. Just...somewhere.

Help end poverty.

Help bring justice to the impoverished children of the world.

Help bring Hope to these kids. :)

The end.

gratitude...

Have you ever been so thankful for something that you can't even say anything except thank you? Your mind searches and searches for the words that can aptly describe all the thankfulness you're feeling inside and nothing really comes out of your mouth? I've experienced that in the past week and everything I was thankful for came from the most giving of givers...God.

If you've read my blog before, you might know that I'm trying to move back to Mississippi. Have been since July. I had applied for a job and was playing the waiting game. You know the one - you wake up every day thinking, 'Is it going to happen today?' 'Will I finally get the chance I've been waiting for?' Well...I had kind of 'given up' on it. I was either going to get the call for an interview or not and me freaking out about staying in Texas wasn't going to help anything.

So...there I was...sitting at work last Thursday, I had received an email from mom asking me for my resume to pass along to a guy at a local firm in Tupelo earlier that morning. All of a sudden my office phone rang. (My office phone never rings...well...not never, but hardly ever). It turns out it was a lady at the hospital wanting to know if I could come to MS for an interview! I told her of course I could and immediately called about a bajillion people. Mother first (because that's usually who I call first, she's so sweet ;) ) and on and on. Well, Mom told the accounting guy that I was going to be in town that weekend for an interview if they could move that fast, but they couldn't so...yeah, I had an interview with the hospital (the job I had been hoping for) at 2 p.m. on Friday. Well, back in Mississippi, the accounting guy (his name is Ricky, I just didn't want to confuse the story with a bunch of names), told my Mom as he was leaving that he had a friend(Matt) that was trying to fill a controller position and had been for a little while and could he (Ricky) pass my resume along to Matt. My mom said yes, of course. And that was that.

Well, as I was driving home to Mississippi, my cell phone rings. It's Matt, the friend of Ricky's. He had seen my resume and wanted me to come in for an interview! Not 5 hours before he had received my resume and wanted me to come interview for a job I had never even applied for. I was flabbergasted (that's an understatement). I KNEW that the only way this would have happened was God working. So...that interview was set for Friday at 10 a.m. The entire way home I kept thinking, this can't be really happening. I have TWO job interviews when earlier that morning I had absolutely none. I just kept saying 'Thank you Lord. Thank you Lord.' Something had to happen from at least one of these interviews. I was going to be moving back to Mississippi, I knew it! I called one of the dearest people in the world, Ms. Michelle, who was at her teenage daughter's softball game, and she just kept saying, 'You aren't serious. You can't be serious'. You're kidding me! I tried telling her, no. I couldn't believe it either, but it was really happening. I will admit that after I had spoken with Matt about the position that afternoon, I didn't think I'd be that interested, much less, qualified. But, if he felt I was worth interviewing, I wasn't going to question him.

Thursday afternoon before I left Dallas I was so nervous. Ridiculously nervous. My stomach was all aflutter and I felt like I was going to be sick. I asked friends for prayers of peace. During both interviews Friday I felt nothing but peace. Nothing but comfortable. After leaving the first interview that had gone really well, I thought...I guess I was wrong about my doubts! I really really wanted that job! I had never seen myself in that kind of job or organization before, but it sounded like something I wanted to be a part of. I can't explain it. I just wanted it. After the second interview (the interview I had hoped to have for 2 months), I left feeling...wanting. I knew that I wanted the first job, the unexpected job. But I'd have to wait to see what God said about that. Matt said he would call me Monday.

Weekend comes and goes, I drive back to Texas (by the way, longest drive yet...9 hour and 15 minutes...thanks Mississippi Bridge construction traffic...and rain from Little Rock to Dallas), and go to work Monday morning. All Monday morning I just felt like I was going to, if I'm being honest, throw up. It was judgment day. The morning drags by. It hadn't helped that I had nasty greaseball hair (I had woken up 15 minutes before I had to leave for work). It's like I was trying to will my phone to ring just by looking at it. I kept reaching for it and making sure it was on vibrate every 5 minutes. Kind of like when you're expecting a call and you call someone else and tell them to call you to make sure your phone's working? Yeah...I had it bad.

About noon, my phone starts vibrating on the audit room table. I look down and see a 662 number I don't recognize (that's the area code in MS). I picked it up...'Oh Lord please let it be Matt with my job.'

"Are you ready to move to Tupelo?"

YES!

A resounding YES! was said (in my head). The job was mine if I wanted it! And, where I had been worried about pay...God provided. More than I ever thought. I won't go into details because this post is already way too long, but let's just say I called my mom and dad as I got in my car (I had a doctor's appointment across the Metroplex), there were tears flowing down my cheeks. I was moving home. My home home. The home that I'll always miss when I'm not there. All I could say was "Thank you." It's all that would come out. Tears and 'Thank You's." When I shared the story with people (with all the details...believe it or not, this is the abbreviated version), I could only say that GOD did this. I did nothing. I deserve no credit. He deserves everything. I get to see my family every day if I want to, because HE chose to bless me that way.

Not only am I moving home, but I'm moving back into my MawMaw and PawPaw's old house. The house that I've mentioned in a previous post. The house that I absolutely love. Where I spent the summer so many years ago and came back to Texas talking like the biggest hick. Where I got to get Little Debbies out of the snack drawer. Where we got to eat sugary cereal (my fave was Lucky Charms...Mom would never buy that!). Where I would sit on the porch swing with Mawmaw and watch as lightning bugs lit up the yard. Where the lightpole in the back would scare me at night and I thought I'd be kidnapped. Where my Mawmaw told me that if I did get kidnapped...they'd bring me back as soon as they got me under a streetlamp and saw how ugly I was. (She was only kidding...but it worked.) Where I'd play with (evidently) my Aunt Becky's Lite-Brite...the best toy in the world. Where I was paid $.25 cents per plastic grocery sack of purple hull peas I would shell. Where PawPaw would stoke his burn pile of leaves and other stuff.

Where I learned about life.

Do you get that I love this house?

And now, I get to live in it.

So...I'm packing my Dallas apartment up. Just an FYI...packing up a kitchen by yourself is NO FUN. Not that packing is fun. But, it is when you're moving somewhere you love.

My last day at PwC is August 25th (a week from today). It's crazy. I've been here two years and almost a month and these people have become my friends.

I'm heading to Mississippi, with Dallas fading in the rearview mirror on September 30th.

I start my new job as Controller at the Community Development Foundation (by the way, have I told you how excited I am about it?!?!? REALLY excited!) on October 5th.

All of this said...I can only say that I'm grateful. Grateful that God chose to bless me like He has. Grateful that I'll get to serve Him with a group of people that I love to death. Grateful for so many things.

Nichole Nordeman's song 'Gratitude' has been playing in my head all week. Below are some of the lyrics that just really stick out to me...

Oh the differences that often are between...

Everything we want.

And what we really need.

We'll give thanks to You

With gratitude

For lessons learned in how to trust in You

That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream

In abundance or in need

Father, thank you for everything You are in my life. I don't deserve the love and blessings you so richly bestow on me, but yet, you give them to me, asking for nothing in return. I pray that I'll be a good steward of these blessings and that you'll allow me to bless others. I'm speechless and can only say...thank you.