praying for a set-up

It's the first day of a new year. The possibilities that this year holds are, at this point, endless.

I should say right now:

I'm a constant Facebook status update checker. And Facebook has made it really hard on people like me to stay abreast of all my friends' statuses with their new mobile setup. Blah, I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but I'd really appreciate it if they fixed that. None of this is my point.

Even though they've made it hard, I've still seen a ton of statuses (I want to say stati, but I  don't think it's a word) today that have wished God's blessings of health, wealth, and happiness on their friends this year.

I would like to politely disagree.

You know what my New Year's prayer is?

That God would do whatever it takes this year for us to seek Him.

If that means losing your job so that He can show you how He provides. Then so be it.
If it means experiencing health problems so that He can show you how He is Healer. Then so be it.
If it means your friends abandon you so that He can show you how He is the greatest Friend. Then so be it.
If it means losing someone you love so that He can show you how He is the best Comforter.

So be it.

I'm not saying this to be callous. I'm saying it because I truly believe it's what He wants.

It's kind of that "not my will but Thine" thing.

Health, wealth and happiness are not bad things. But if there's one thing I have learned (by experience) it is that we rarely seek God's presence when things are happy-go-lucky. We make gods (lowercase g) of other lesser things when He is the only one that's truly God.

I've heard it somewhere that God knows the best thing for ourselves is Him.

I had a breakdown back at the end of July, my dad and I had a long talk on the back deck at their house. I had ugly-cried, like A LOT and been caught red-handed with my pride on high. I'm not sure there could have been a more prideful person at the time. It was extremely ridiculous, to say the least.

Anyway, he shared a story with me that stuck. I was about 4 months old (or something. I was young, can't remember how old necessarily)  and then there was Mama and my older brother and sister. He had just gotten fired from his job (unjustly - not the point) and was in a real tight spot. What was he to do?

He went to a conference at a local church and met someone that directed him to First Baptist - Red Oak, Texas, and it's pastor, Dr. Harold Henderson. He met with Dr. Henderson, who helped him gain perspective. I don't know how long it was before Dad found a job and everything was "fine" again, but I do remember him saying:

"Rebekah, if you asked me today, Would you go through it again? I'd say yes. 100 times. Yes. Because I met God during that time. I met God and He showed me Himself and I've never been the same for it." 

I know, right? My dad is a smart man.

When he was telling me that, inside my head I was saying YES. YES. 1,000 times. YES. I think I started crying even harder. Mostly because I had found it to be true. I don't think I  had ever met with God as much as I did last year when the rug was pulled out from under me.

I think my job situation, my living situation, all that jazz was a set-up. A huge flippin' set-up orchestrated by God. To show me who He was, is, and will always be.

And who I'm not.

So...I hope God sets you up this year.

Because when He takes away the worldy things, it's because He wants to give you everything.

He wants to give you Himself.

 

everyone needs to just calm down.

And by everyone, I mean me.

I signed up last Thursday to take the Praxis II: Mathematics Content Knowledge test. Which was, coincidentally, the deadline to take the test on November 12th. Monday, this Facebook status conveyed how I was feeling about it.

 

I don't know why, but I didn't read in my devotional book that day. I think I was a day behind, so, I actually read Sunday's on Monday. I was sitting in my planning period Tuesday looking at Monday's devo and it's exactly what I NEEDED to read.

"Anxiety is a result of envisioning the future without Me. So the best defense against worry is staying in communication with Me. When you turn your thoughts toward Me, you can think much more positively. Remember to listen, as well as to speak, making your thoughts a dialogue with Me. 

If you must consider upcoming events, follow these rules: 1) Do not linger in the future, because anxieties sprout up like mushrooms when you wander there. 2) Remember he promise of My continual Presence; include Me in any imagery that comes to mind. This mental discipline does not come easily, because you are accustomed to being god of your fantasies. However, the reality of My Presence with you, now and forevermore, outshines any fantasy you could ever imagine. "

Luke 12:22-26; Ephesians 3:20-21

- Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

I  don't know. Maybe that's exactly what you needed to read today. Maybe it was just my job to share.

Are you envisioning your future without Him? I know He is with me on any given day. But somehow I forget that He's with me every. day. I peek into the future and start to hyperventilate because I don't see Him there. Probably because I have bad eyesight.

There's a version of Psalm 139:5 that says, "You hem me in, behind and before."

He's there. Even if we can't see him.

Walking with us from where we've been, to where we are, to where we're going.

So breathe deep, friend. And calm down.

waiting here for You

It's 3 a.m. and for the third night in a row, I'm up. The past two nights I've woken up sometime during the 3 o'clock hour and been unable to go back to sleep. Tonight's a little different considering I haven't been to sleep yet. I have a song stuck in my head that we sang at church tonight and I just felt like sharing the lyrics.

If faith can move the mountains, let the mountains move.

We come with expectation, waiting here for You.

Waiting here for You.

You're the Lord of all creation, and still you know my heart.

The Author of Salvation, You've loved us from the start.

Waiting here for You.

With our hands lifted high in praise.

And it's You we adore.

Singing Alleluia.

You are everything You've promised.

Your faithfulness is true.

We're desperate for Your presence.

All we need is You.

Waiting here for You.

With our hands lifted high in praise.

And it's You we adore.

Singing Alleluia.

We will wait for You Lord

In step with You Lord

We will sing Alleluia

Singing Alleluia

Alleluia

Singing Alleluia

Alleluia

Waiting here for You.

With our hands lifted high in praise.

And it's You we adore

Singing Alleluia.

Singing Alleluia.

There's a lot of thoughts going on in my head. Mostly how it feels like I've been waiting and waiting and waiting, expectantly, believing God for whatever He has for me and yet I'm doing nothing. I really am desperate for His presence. 

When I was a senior in college I interned in Dallas with the company I'd eventually work for. The first two weeks of our internship consisted of training in an area outside of Chicago. Somehow I had wound up in first class on the flight to training and so we boarded the plane that day, sat down {I was RIDICULOUSLY excited to be sitting in first class, had never done that before, I thought I was some. thing.} and waited. We left the gate and sat out on the tarmac for 2 hours before it was decided we'd head back to the gate. I don't remember exactly why we didn't take off, I think it had something to do with it being January, heading to Chicago, and icy. Regardless, I thought that just might be the worst 2 hours of my life. And I got to enjoy a movie and meal! I can only imagine if I were sitting in coach. {I was a much less patient person back then.}

All that waiting. 

And we. got. no. where. 

That's kind of how this waiting feels. 

I know this time isn't wasted. This waiting isn't for naught. But with no really productive ways to spend my days, let's just say that one day feels more like three. 

I wonder when I'll get to the end of the hallway. 

And until I do, I pray for Him to give me purpose. 

And I wait. 

Knowing that I will eventually see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

**Click here to see Christy Nockels singing "Waiting Here for You" live @ Passion 2011.**

nothing is ever wasted...

Do you ever read something and think, "This isn't the first time I've heard that?" The following excerpts are from Beth Moore's "Paul" study that I have 20 something days left in. It's a journey through the book of Acts and it is exactly what God knew I needed during this time of so many unknowns in my life.

To give you some background, Paul knew he would be going to Rome. God has promised him that. But two years after He had made that promise, Paul was still sitting in a jail cell. Well...Paul eventually did make it to Rome. With some prison guards as his escort. I doubt when the Lord confirmed that call to Rome on his life that he thought he'd be going as a prisoner. Or that it'd be a while.

Good investigators ask certain questions: who? what? where? when? how? The context of Acts 26 shows what we may know: who is in control and even what He's doing and where he's leading--but we'll rarely guess when and how!

Not one minute is wasted, but God rarely seems to fulfill His revealed plan when we expect. 

Sometimes we can keep asking when God is going to do something He's already done.


God is the Deliverer, but we never know how He might deliver us. We see that God always fulfills His promises, just not always the way we imagine.

Praise God, He gives us what we need, not what we want. 


When we don't know what, when, where, or how, we can trust in who. We won't always find our answers, but we can always find our God when we seek Him with all our hearts.  And He will love and comfort us until all other answers come.

So maybe I'll try to stop asking the 'when' and just continue to seek God. I look back and see ways that God provided not in the ways I necessarily wanted, but in the ways I needed. Why do I think He'll somehow forget me this time?

I think it was particularly interesting that I read this on a day when I got an email back from my most recent job inquiry. They've appointed a Board member during the interim and the search is on hold while they assess their needs. I was waiting to hear back from this organization before I went another route. So...looky there at that answered prayer.

If you think about it, will you say a prayer for me? And all this job search jazz? I am so blessed to have friends that I know are praying. I get texts almost every day telling me how they're praying for me. I so appreciate it and I promise you that your prayers will not be wasted.

Keep seeking Him and His kingdom above all else, friends!

you just gotta laugh. and repent.

Hey friends. Sorry I haven't been around the past couple of weeks. It's been...interesting. 

Last Friday was my last day at work and it went swell. My sweet coworkers got me a nice card and a gift card to Lifeway. They're the one thing I will miss the most about not working there. They make me laugh. They encourage me. They know how to play a joke. 

I joked that, while they're what I'll miss the most, I'm also going to miss working in this fabulous new building.

I know, I'm pathetic. They'll be moving in there before the end of the summer and I'm going to have to go visit. It's just so pretty. {The link above is to a webcam that was set up to capture the progress of the building. If you don't get anything...then...check back during the actual week. I guess?}

Moving on.

So this week I've mostly been cleaning my house, applying for jobs, reading, making visits that I wouldn't get to make otherwise. 

The main reason I wanted to post today was to share a funny story about the second thing on that list above. Applying for jobs. 

If you remember from this post, that was written just over a month ago. I had no idea what I wanted to do. Much less what God wanted me to do. I knew He wanted me working with people. I knew it may or may not involve accounting. Well, I sought God and prayed and read my Bible and slowly it felt like He began to put teaching on my heart. I should probably say back on my heart. In college, I considered changing my major about a million times to education, but never did for whatever reason. Mostly because I never consulted God about it. 

So, I've put my application in different places just knowing that that's what He has for me. Or at least pretty sure that's what He has for me. I still don't know, but I'm pretty sure that's what it is. {Just keep going, I promise there's about to be a point to this post.}

He's told me over and over again through His Word, through the things I would read. Through people that have texted me, called me, whatever. Just. Hold. On. Rebekah. 

Hold. On. 

And, I don't know about you, but waiting isn't something I'm particularly good at. As evidenced here.

Well, last night the mom, sister and I were sitting around watching Bones. {DID YOU SEE IT LAST NIGHT?!?!? Oh goodness.} and Mama mentioned that a Christian organization was looking to fill a position in Dallas. I read the job description online and figured I was overqualified for the job. And I didn't think I'd particularly like it. So, I told her I wasn't going to apply. 

Now I don't know what got in my head between 8:30 and 10, but something did and I decided to apply online. 

I'm going through there filling out the online forms and Leah and Mama were down here chatting about different things and putting there 2 cents in. {That I asked for}. And I finally completed the application about an hour or so after I started it. Well...I hit the 'next' button on the browser and it popped up an error. Basically saying, "You took too long. You have to start over." and I said ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?! and Leah just started laughing. Less than 30 seconds later I was laughing too. 

I knew this isn't the kind of position God had laid on my heart. Yet, I lost trust for an hour and tried to take things into my own hands. Grappling for anything that provided income. Even if it meant that wasn't what I knew God wanted me to do. 

Yikes. I was on my way back to my house and Proverbs 19:21 came to mind.

"Many plans are in a man's mind, but it is the Lord's purpose for him that will stand."

And I just laughed. Like...REALLY laughed. Because...I had just seen that play out in real life. And then I had to pray because...obviously. The not trusting God part.

Who in the world do we think we are?!?

I'm so glad God has a sense of humor.

 

And if you made it this far you deserve a pat on the back. Or some ice cream.

Go You. :)

on fear.

Thanks for all your sweet words of encouragement and prayer in response to Monday's post. I appreciate them more than I could ever put into words.

I think any time you put out there something like that, the Devil sees a PRIMO opportunity to attack. I think he says something like, "Oh yeah? You have faith God's gonna provide? Well...watch this." and WHAM. He hits you with fear.

This morning, I was inconspicuously reading an article that Lifeway tweeted on one married couple's journey through job loss and the fear just SWOOSHED DOWN ON ME.

What if that's me? What if God doesn't provide a job in 30 days. Am I going to believe He'll provide in some other way? Just the fear that it wouldn't possibly go down the way I want it to go down had me almost in tears.

I know, ridiculous.

I cried out in prayer. Lord save me from this unbelief. I then proceeded to read through some Facebook status updates and read this:

"There is NO WORD for "coincidence" in the Hebrew! Lord You are in control today, You were in control yesterday, and You'll be in control tomorrow! I pray for my family, and any of my FB friends today that are struggling to believe in the midst of pressure & confusion! Be encouraged today! "Without FAITH it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God!" (Rom. 8:28; James 1:1-8;16-18;Mark 6:47-52; Prov. 3:5-6)"

Without faith it is impossible to please God? That's part of Hebrews 11:6. And if I only memorized one scripture when doing Beth Moore's 'Believing God' Bible study last year...that. was. it. It's the verse that showed up every day for a week in the most random places. Not even kidding. 

And then right before I went to lunch, I read this in another friend's status update:
 

"God is weaving a story of His power in our lives. He won't fail us. The Lord is batting a thousand in the category of faithfulness. Contrary to others' opinions or our fears, we aren't about to be His first "oops." As Chuck Swindoll encourages, "God has never missed a runway through all the centuries of fearful fog." - From the book "Finding God's Will" ~ Gregg Matte"

Everywhere I looked I was seeing God saying, "Rebekah - Stop. Being. Full. Of. Fear. Stop it." 

So I went to lunch and decided to look up the word "fear" in my concordance and read some Scripture that had to do with fear. I passed through the "do not fear's" in Deuteronomy and I saw something in Psalm 27. Now, I have to tell you, I think Psalm 27 may be my favorite Psalm. I mentioned verses 13 and 14 back in this post. And...it's just some goodness. 


You know how some Bible's have a little heading over chapters in the text? Well, mine does. For Psalm 27? 

"An Exuberant Declaration of Faith"

Yessirree. David was saying, I will have faith. I will not fear. Because God is faithful. 

Psalm 27 

 ¹ The LORD is my light and my salvation;
         Whom shall I fear?
         The LORD is the strength of my life;
         Of whom shall I be afraid?
 ² When the wicked came against me
         To eat up my flesh,
         My enemies and foes,
         They stumbled and fell.
 ³ Though an army may encamp against me,
         My heart shall not fear;
         Though war may rise against me,
         In this I will be confident.
        
 ⁴ One thing I have desired of the LORD,
         That will I seek:
         That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
         All the days of my life,
         To behold the beauty of the LORD,
         And to inquire in His temple.
 ⁵ For in the time of trouble
         He shall hide me in His pavilion;
         In the secret place of His tabernacle
         He shall hide me;
         He shall set me high upon a rock.
        
 ⁶ And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
         Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
         I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD.
        
 ⁷ Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice!
         Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
 ⁸ When You said, “Seek My face,”
         My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.”
 ⁹ Do not hide Your face from me;
         Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
         You have been my help;
         Do not leave me nor forsake me,
         O God of my salvation.
 ¹⁰ When my father and my mother forsake me,
         Then the LORD will take care of me.
        
 ¹¹ Teach me Your way, O LORD,
         And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.
 ¹² Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries;
         For false witnesses have risen against me,
         And such as breathe out violence.
 ¹³ I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
         That I would see the goodness of the LORD
         In the land of the living.
          

¹⁴ Wait on the LORD;
         Be of good courage,
         And He shall strengthen your heart;
         Wait, I say, on the LORD!

I just think God is so cool how He hears our hearts cry to Him and He wants to answer us. He put the thoughts in those people's heads this morning to post that on their Facebook. He knew that I would be overcome with fear for a little while. He knew that I check Facebook way too often and would see their status updates. He knew all. these. things. And if He knows all these things, why do I doubt that He knows what will happen on May 9th. My needs then?  

I am a silly frail girl and He is a not silly strong God. 

I just wanted to remind you of that today.