Saturday, October 29, 2011

my head hurts

I don't think I complain a whole lot. 

I usually see the best in situations. I once had someone say to me, "Well we can't all be incorrigible optimists can we?"

But I just have to say, my head really hurts. 

Part of it is because our weather has gone from fall-like temperatures to really cool fall-like temperatures and my sinuses can't handle it. I still don't  know how all that works.

But the main reason is this...

And this...

P.S. 3 of those 4 graphs are WRONG. Yikes. 

My Saturday was mostly dominated by factors and factoring.  

I was proud that on the last chapter test I took this evening, I made a 26/27. 

My life has been Algebra for the past week. Not much of anything else. 

I take my test exactly 2 weeks from today. 

Trying not to freak out. Especially since I just reviewed the sample questions on ETS' website and....yeah, I don't know how to work most of those. 

Lord, help me. 

All your prayers are appreciated friends!

If it's quiet around here for the next few weeks, it's probably because my nose is buried in some form of math textbook. 

A perk of all this studying? 

I've become an excellent pencil-sharpener. 

{See...incorrigible optimist.}

Saturday, October 22, 2011

everyone needs to just calm down.

And by everyone, I mean me.

I signed up last Thursday to take the Praxis II: Mathematics Content Knowledge test. Which was, coincidentally, the deadline to take the test on November 12th. Monday, this Facebook status conveyed how I was feeling about it.

I don't know why, but I didn't read in my devotional book that day. I think I was a day behind, so, I actually read Sunday's on Monday. I was sitting in my planning period Tuesday looking at Monday's devo and it's exactly what I NEEDED to read.
"Anxiety is a result of envisioning the future without Me. So the best defense against worry is staying in communication with Me. When you turn your thoughts toward Me, you can think much more positively. Remember to listen, as well as to speak, making your thoughts a dialogue with Me. 

If you must consider upcoming events, follow these rules: 1) Do not linger in the future, because anxieties sprout up like mushrooms when you wander there. 2) Remember he promise of My continual Presence; include Me in any imagery that comes to mind. This mental discipline does not come easily, because you are accustomed to being god of your fantasies. However, the reality of My Presence with you, now and forevermore, outshines any fantasy you could ever imagine. "

Luke 12:22-26; Ephesians 3:20-21
- Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

I  don't know. Maybe that's exactly what you needed to read today. Maybe it was just my job to share.

Are you envisioning your future without Him? I know He is with me on any given day. But somehow I forget that He's with me every. day. I peek into the future and start to hyperventilate because I don't see Him there. Probably because I have bad eyesight.

There's a version of Psalm 139:5 that says, "You hem me in, behind and before."

He's there. Even if we can't see him.

Walking with us from where we've been, to where we are, to where we're going.

So breathe deep, friend. And calm down.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

i just keep thinking...

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, 
the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." 
- C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

It's true friends. This world is not our home. 

I bought Switchfoot's newest album this week and the last track. Sigh. I'm in love. It's a reminder.

I couldn't resist sharing all the lyrics. They're just so good. Indulge me.

Feeling like a refugee
Like it don't belong to me
The colors flash across the sky

This air feels strange to me
Feeling like a tragedy
I take a deep breath and close my eyes
One last time
One last time

Storms on the wasteland
Dark clouds on the plains again
We were born into the fight

But I'm not sentimental
This skin and bones is a rental
And no one makes it out alive

Until I die I'll sing these songs
On the shores of Babylon
Still looking for a home
In a world where I belong

Where the weak are finally strong
Where the righteous right the wrongs
Still looking for a home
In a world where I belong

Feels like we're just waiting, waiting
While our hearts are just breaking, breaking
Feels like we've been fighting against the tide

I wanna see the earth start shaking
I wanna see a generation
Finally waking up inside

Until I die I'll sing these songs
On the shores of Babylon
Still looking for a home
In a world where I belong

Where the weak are finally strong
Where the righteous right the wrongs
Still looking for a home
In a world where I belong

This body's not my own
This world is not my own
But I still can hear the sound
Of my heart beating out
So let's go boys, play it loud

On the final day I die
I want to hold my head up high
I want to tell You that I tried
To live it like a song

And when I reach the other side
I want to look You in the eye
And know that I've arrived
In a world where I belong
In a world where I belong
In a world where I belong

Where I belong
Where I belong
Where I belong
Where I belong

I still believe we can live forever
You and I we begin forever now
Forever now
I still believe in us together
You and I we're here together now
Together now
Forever now
Forever now
Forever now

 Please please please, just listen to this song.  Really loud. 

And then live like this world isn't your home.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

i don't even know...

I woke up this morning.

I had just had a really weird dream.

I won't go into too many details, but it left me wondering...WHAT was that about?


I don't really believe in the interpreting dreams thing, but, it was just so bizarre.

There were 4 other people in my dream, none of which I knew, and we had taken turns praying. I was the last to pray and these were the last words I remember right before I woke up. This isn't verbatim, but, something very similar...
"God, You are faithful. You are good. You have our best interests in mind when you make us wait. You will always do what's best for us. Always. Help us to remain faithful to You and believe in Your faithfulness even when it seems we can't."
 And then I woke up.

It wasn't about a job. Or anything related to a job. But something else entirely different.

And I typed out about 50 different status updates to try and...make sense of it? I don't really recommend the trying to make sense of the world through status updates, but...sometimes it helps.

It was one of those moments where there were about a BILLION different things running through my mind. But everything I typed out made absolutely no sense. I couldn't say anything and it fully convey what was going on in my brain.  I had no words and too many words at the same time.

And then I thought of a verse -
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. - Romans 8:26
 I wasn't magically not thinking about what the dream meant. 

But it did make me pause and remember that God has me. He will always have me. 


And that makes everything okay.


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