on fear.

Thanks for all your sweet words of encouragement and prayer in response to Monday's post. I appreciate them more than I could ever put into words.

I think any time you put out there something like that, the Devil sees a PRIMO opportunity to attack. I think he says something like, "Oh yeah? You have faith God's gonna provide? Well...watch this." and WHAM. He hits you with fear.

This morning, I was inconspicuously reading an article that Lifeway tweeted on one married couple's journey through job loss and the fear just SWOOSHED DOWN ON ME.

What if that's me? What if God doesn't provide a job in 30 days. Am I going to believe He'll provide in some other way? Just the fear that it wouldn't possibly go down the way I want it to go down had me almost in tears.

I know, ridiculous.

I cried out in prayer. Lord save me from this unbelief. I then proceeded to read through some Facebook status updates and read this:

"There is NO WORD for "coincidence" in the Hebrew! Lord You are in control today, You were in control yesterday, and You'll be in control tomorrow! I pray for my family, and any of my FB friends today that are struggling to believe in the midst of pressure & confusion! Be encouraged today! "Without FAITH it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God!" (Rom. 8:28; James 1:1-8;16-18;Mark 6:47-52; Prov. 3:5-6)"

Without faith it is impossible to please God? That's part of Hebrews 11:6. And if I only memorized one scripture when doing Beth Moore's 'Believing God' Bible study last year...that. was. it. It's the verse that showed up every day for a week in the most random places. Not even kidding. 

And then right before I went to lunch, I read this in another friend's status update:
 

"God is weaving a story of His power in our lives. He won't fail us. The Lord is batting a thousand in the category of faithfulness. Contrary to others' opinions or our fears, we aren't about to be His first "oops." As Chuck Swindoll encourages, "God has never missed a runway through all the centuries of fearful fog." - From the book "Finding God's Will" ~ Gregg Matte"

Everywhere I looked I was seeing God saying, "Rebekah - Stop. Being. Full. Of. Fear. Stop it." 

So I went to lunch and decided to look up the word "fear" in my concordance and read some Scripture that had to do with fear. I passed through the "do not fear's" in Deuteronomy and I saw something in Psalm 27. Now, I have to tell you, I think Psalm 27 may be my favorite Psalm. I mentioned verses 13 and 14 back in this post. And...it's just some goodness. 


You know how some Bible's have a little heading over chapters in the text? Well, mine does. For Psalm 27? 

"An Exuberant Declaration of Faith"

Yessirree. David was saying, I will have faith. I will not fear. Because God is faithful. 

Psalm 27 

 ¹ The LORD is my light and my salvation;
         Whom shall I fear?
         The LORD is the strength of my life;
         Of whom shall I be afraid?
 ² When the wicked came against me
         To eat up my flesh,
         My enemies and foes,
         They stumbled and fell.
 ³ Though an army may encamp against me,
         My heart shall not fear;
         Though war may rise against me,
         In this I will be confident.
        
 ⁴ One thing I have desired of the LORD,
         That will I seek:
         That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
         All the days of my life,
         To behold the beauty of the LORD,
         And to inquire in His temple.
 ⁵ For in the time of trouble
         He shall hide me in His pavilion;
         In the secret place of His tabernacle
         He shall hide me;
         He shall set me high upon a rock.
        
 ⁶ And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
         Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
         I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD.
        
 ⁷ Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice!
         Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
 ⁸ When You said, “Seek My face,”
         My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.”
 ⁹ Do not hide Your face from me;
         Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
         You have been my help;
         Do not leave me nor forsake me,
         O God of my salvation.
 ¹⁰ When my father and my mother forsake me,
         Then the LORD will take care of me.
        
 ¹¹ Teach me Your way, O LORD,
         And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.
 ¹² Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries;
         For false witnesses have risen against me,
         And such as breathe out violence.
 ¹³ I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
         That I would see the goodness of the LORD
         In the land of the living.
          

¹⁴ Wait on the LORD;
         Be of good courage,
         And He shall strengthen your heart;
         Wait, I say, on the LORD!

I just think God is so cool how He hears our hearts cry to Him and He wants to answer us. He put the thoughts in those people's heads this morning to post that on their Facebook. He knew that I would be overcome with fear for a little while. He knew that I check Facebook way too often and would see their status updates. He knew all. these. things. And if He knows all these things, why do I doubt that He knows what will happen on May 9th. My needs then?  

I am a silly frail girl and He is a not silly strong God. 

I just wanted to remind you of that today.

don't be such a scaredy cat...

Well...it was an interesting Saturday night/Sunday morning. And after reading this, you're probably all going to think I'm certifiably crazy, but I promise, I'm not!

I'm always tired when I get in from Albuquerque, so Friday night I went to bed 'early' (by 10:45...that's early for me on a Friday) and slept til about 10:30 Saturday morning...then read and napped, and read some more the rest of the day. So, when it came time to go to sleep Saturday night I wasn't really that tired and I watched the movie Roman Holiday. Have you ever seen it? I thought it was going to be cute but...it wasn't. And the ending is sad, what's that all about. I hate sad endings.

Anyway, so I finally got to sleep about 2:15 or so and I was excited because Sunday was 'Be the Church' Sunday at...church, and instead of having a regular worship service we were going to go help out with stuff in the community (delivering meals to nursing homes, helping fix up a little garden-type area at the school that neighbors us, touch up stuff, that sort of thing).

Well...I'm woken up at 4:45 by my home phone ringing. Mind you...this phone NEVER rings. Unless it's a telemarketer...but they don't call at 4:45 in the morning. So, I let it ring one time...the phone in my room has the ringer turned off but I could hear it in the living room just keep ringing. I roll over and grab my cell phone off the floor, freaking out thinking, what if it's Mom and she tried calling my cell phone (but I put it on silent when I sleep), and someone's been in an accident or the world is coming to an end...or something. But, no missed calls there. So, I lay there, thinking, must've been the wrong number. The phone stops ringing. 15 seconds later...it starts ringing again. This time I answer it, "Hello?" (in my 4:45, you've just woken me up voice, it wasn't pretty).

No answer.

"Hello?" They hang up. I'm kinda freaked out this time. Who keeps calling and why don't they say anything?

30 seconds later...you guessed it...my phone rings AGAIN. I answer the first time "Hello?!?" It makes a beeping noise like I'm supposed to leave a message and then nothing...I hang up.

Within 10 seconds of hanging up, I hear some knocking/moving around that sounds like it's coming from my kitchen (it shares a wall with my bedroom). Then, I really freak out. I sit up in bed, grab my cell phone from where I'd thrown it on the floor and get ready to punch 9-1-1. I sit there listening as I continue to hear noises, but can't tell what they are. I don't want to call 911 and say, "Umm...someone may be in my apartment, I don't know. Could the policeman come and make sure?" But then again, I don't want to die either! (Adding to my freak-out-ness is I've read that most rapes occur in the early morning hours...it was 5:00 a.m. by this point...you see where I'm going).

So...I do nothing. I lie there and listen to the sounds trying to decide if I'm going to have anything left in my apartment when I open my bedroom door in the morning and listening to the air conditioner turn on and then off every little bit. Vascillating between calling 911 and facing my death by burglars. I do this until 8:00 a.m. when I finally, somehow, fall back asleep.

My alarm goes off at 8:10 to get ready for church and I turn it off, wanting to get up (I get to go serve today!) but in reality, falling back asleep. I wake up just before noon. Remembering the fear of having been robbed I, tentatively, open my bedroom door...see my purse still sitting on the couch, my car keys in there little spot...nothing touched, and I think to myself..."What in the world was I thinking?"

I don't really know what it was I heard last night (perhaps the neighbors below me....they're loud and do things at odd times), but the fear of it being something huge kept me awake and eventually, from serving God.

I then realized, I do that a lot...let my fears keep me from being everything I can for God. Kind of like a modern-day Moses. Lord, I can't lead these people. Lord, I'm not a good speaker. Lord, let Aaron do this. You get it?

I'm slowly overcoming my crazy fears, but I still have a long, long way to go. In that time while I was lying there, I prayed, asking God to calm me and not let me die. (I can be dramatic sometimes). Hopefully going forward I won't be so scared and realize that I have the power of the Almighty Living God on my side.

My mom is reading this and thinking about the time that I thought someone was breaking into our house so I go upstairs and get a butcher knife to protect myself with. She finds me the next morning, butcher knife on the night stand and I'm sure...a little worried. :S

"The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Psalm 118:6 - NIV

Maybe I should remember that next time.

And please...really...I'm not crazy! :)

broken and beautiful

Wow, it has been an interesting 3 or 4 days since I last posted and my mind is everywhere. So many things going on and I don't even really know where to start. So, I'll just...start.

Thursday I found myself having the need to just be broken before God...and some friends. I'd discovered that for the past month or so I've been holding onto fears...

Will I keep my job? (Performance ratings were coming out).
Can I pay all my bills?
Will I find a new job?
Please don't make me work with this person again...
What if I get a flat tire?
What if I get in a car accident? (Yes seriously).

and on and on.

and on.

This holding on to fear was ruining my life!! It's not that I wasn't a happy person but this fear was strangling the life out of me and something had to be done...quick! Well Thursday it all boiled up into one big mess and the pot it was in couldn't hold it anymore. I cried and cried and cried...and cried. I had to admit to God that I was holding on so tightly to those fears (even though He already knew) and ask him to replace those fears with faith to trust in Him.

I never really thought about it before but God wants us to ask Him for faith. He wants us to trust Him because that's the best plan. Faith in Him. So I prayed, "Lord, increase my faith, help me to realize (and believe) that You're in control of every little thing in my life."

Along the same lines, I have a tendency to worry about insignificant things...so much anxiety. So along with asking God to give me faith, I asked Him for peace. Peace to help me not worry and to give every worry and anxious or nervous thought to Him. While it's only been a couple of days, I can already see that He has been granting me peace and an increased faith to fight those fears that pop up. A good verse to show us God's want for peace in our lives is John 14:27 (and one of my favorites).

I once heard confession does a soul good. While I'm not sure about the confessions of sin to a priest or other clergy member, Ezra 10:11 says "Now then make confession to the LORD, the God of your fathers, and do his will" (ESV). May we always come before God and confess to Him our sin, problems, hopes and dreams. Being broken, even though it may hurt, so that God can administer to us His perfect and amazing grace.

I also felt led by the Spirit to confess sin in my life to some friends which I had taken advantage of. How sweet the feeling of knowing that you are living and doing right by your brothers and sisters in Christ (and unbelievers for that matter). I can't explain the feeling of knowing that there is nothing separating me from their love, nor the love of God. I can't really explain it very well, but, that's my feeble attempt.

I now realize in the future with my weak-willed ways of holding on to fears, I have to confess these things to God every day.

Every hour.

Every minute...

We'll see how it goes. Please pray that I can hold fast to obeying His commandment and confess to Him these things.

On a sidenote, for those of you who like to read. I strongly recommend Spirit-Controlled Temperament by Tim LaHaye. It's a very good book that I finished in a couple of hours (although the version the link goes to is an extended edition), and it really helped me come to grips with not only what were my strengths but some of my weaknesses (like fear, worry, lack of self-control, etc.). You may want to check out your church library, maybe they have it, but it's pretty cheap on Amazon.

I hope everyone's had a blessed weekend and that the week to come is just as blessed :)

Grace, peace and NO FEAR! :)

P.S. When I was googling 'brokenness' (to see how to spell it), I found this really great little article on being broken before God. You should read it.