Well...it was an interesting Saturday night/Sunday morning. And after reading this, you're probably all going to think I'm certifiably crazy, but I promise, I'm not!
I'm always tired when I get in from Albuquerque, so Friday night I went to bed 'early' (by 10:45...that's early for me on a Friday) and slept til about 10:30 Saturday morning...then read and napped, and read some more the rest of the day. So, when it came time to go to sleep Saturday night I wasn't really that tired and I watched the movie Roman Holiday. Have you ever seen it? I thought it was going to be cute but...it wasn't. And the ending is sad, what's that all about. I hate sad endings.
Anyway, so I finally got to sleep about 2:15 or so and I was excited because Sunday was 'Be the Church' Sunday at...church, and instead of having a regular worship service we were going to go help out with stuff in the community (delivering meals to nursing homes, helping fix up a little garden-type area at the school that neighbors us, touch up stuff, that sort of thing).
Well...I'm woken up at 4:45 by my home phone ringing. Mind you...this phone NEVER rings. Unless it's a telemarketer...but they don't call at 4:45 in the morning. So, I let it ring one time...the phone in my room has the ringer turned off but I could hear it in the living room just keep ringing. I roll over and grab my cell phone off the floor, freaking out thinking, what if it's Mom and she tried calling my cell phone (but I put it on silent when I sleep), and someone's been in an accident or the world is coming to an end...or something. But, no missed calls there. So, I lay there, thinking, must've been the wrong number. The phone stops ringing. 15 seconds later...it starts ringing again. This time I answer it, "Hello?" (in my 4:45, you've just woken me up voice, it wasn't pretty).
"Hello?" They hang up. I'm kinda freaked out this time. Who keeps calling and why don't they say anything?
30 seconds later...you guessed it...my phone rings AGAIN. I answer the first time "Hello?!?" It makes a beeping noise like I'm supposed to leave a message and then nothing...I hang up.
Within 10 seconds of hanging up, I hear some knocking/moving around that sounds like it's coming from my kitchen (it shares a wall with my bedroom). Then, I really freak out. I sit up in bed, grab my cell phone from where I'd thrown it on the floor and get ready to punch 9-1-1. I sit there listening as I continue to hear noises, but can't tell what they are. I don't want to call 911 and say, "Umm...someone may be in my apartment, I don't know. Could the policeman come and make sure?" But then again, I don't want to die either! (Adding to my freak-out-ness is I've read that most rapes occur in the early morning hours...it was 5:00 a.m. by this point...you see where I'm going).
So...I do nothing. I lie there and listen to the sounds trying to decide if I'm going to have anything left in my apartment when I open my bedroom door in the morning and listening to the air conditioner turn on and then off every little bit. Vascillating between calling 911 and facing my death by burglars. I do this until 8:00 a.m. when I finally, somehow, fall back asleep.
My alarm goes off at 8:10 to get ready for church and I turn it off, wanting to get up (I get to go serve today!) but in reality, falling back asleep. I wake up just before noon. Remembering the fear of having been robbed I, tentatively, open my bedroom door...see my purse still sitting on the couch, my car keys in there little spot...nothing touched, and I think to myself..."What in the world was I thinking?"
I don't really know what it was I heard last night (perhaps the neighbors below me....they're loud and do things at odd times), but the fear of it being something huge kept me awake and eventually, from serving God.
I then realized, I do that a lot...let my fears keep me from being everything I can for God. Kind of like a modern-day Moses. Lord, I can't lead these people. Lord, I'm not a good speaker. Lord, let Aaron do this. You get it?
I'm slowly overcoming my crazy fears, but I still have a long, long way to go. In that time while I was lying there, I prayed, asking God to calm me and not let me die. (I can be dramatic sometimes). Hopefully going forward I won't be so scared and realize that I have the power of the Almighty Living God on my side.
My mom is reading this and thinking about the time that I thought someone was breaking into our house so I go upstairs and get a butcher knife to protect myself with. She finds me the next morning, butcher knife on the night stand and I'm sure...a little worried. :S
"The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Psalm 118:6 - NIV
Maybe I should remember that next time.
And please...really...I'm not crazy! :)