I see it at the end of Ann's posts. Two little words that stick with me. I hadn't given much thought to it before Wednesday. Really thought about it. And then we're talking about grace and peace in church and during the middle of the message, this post from (in)courage from months ago pops in my head and I can't wait to get home and watch the video because I had never watched it.
Since Wednesday night I'm quite sure I have listened to this song at least 50 times. At least. It's convicting.
The past two or three weeks I've felt absolutely drained. Of everything. I felt as if I reached the bottom of the job-hunting barrel and I couldn't go any deeper. As if the babysitting weren't just a season. That I was never going to get a real job. This would be my lot. Forever. It's frustrating when you're not hired for the jobs that you're overqualified for. That you don't hear back from the jobs that you are perfectly qualified for.
Completely worn down.
That was me.
God and I have had some talks and there have been tears and the asking of when is this ever going to end and the waiting for an answer. I've seen Him answer other prayers (we'll get to that when I'm not so close to the situation), and I just wonder, when is this question, the job one, when is it going to be answered? I read something in my Bible study Monday that said "God can deliver anyone from anything at any time." and I hate that the thought in my head was, "When am I going to be delivered from this situation?"
My mind goes back to grace. I search the web and I find this verse -
"And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work." - II Cor. 9:8
And I stop because I realize that all IS grace. That I'm not working out of a deficiency, but rather an overflowing sufficiency. That I will be able to complete what I need to because He is giving me the grace. It's not coming from me.
So the barrel that I thought I was at the bottom of? I guess God picked me out of it and put me in a different one. And if I get to the bottom of this barrel? He'll put me in another one.
Or maybe it's not a barrel at all but an ocean of grace that I'll never really reach the bottom of.
I think that's more like it.
Now it's just a matter of remembering it.
All's Grace from Shaun Groves on Vimeo.